it’s tax day, but i finished my taxes early, so i decided to share funny stuff instead. don’t use this funny stuff to procrastinate on your taxes!

if you’re like me, you regret almost every errant glance into comment threads or yelp reviews for their self-important tone. whether they’re true satire or just a collection of the most preciously ill-formed opinions, these parody reviews crack me up. when you’re done checking the yelp reviews read by real actors above, read onto some of these:

this film goes wrong in the wrong places. Sure, the acting is bad, the plot confounded, the editing nonexistent. But if i wanted to see a film this bad, I’d go watch all the stupid videos I recorded with my friends in elementary school. Eight and a half is about 2 hours and 18 minutes of just that.
— sight & sound’s 10 greatest films of all time and their 1-star imdv reviews

Jar of uranium ore: I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.
— funniest amazon product reviews

And from their number arose a cry ancient and of another world entire and the raiders spurred their mounts through the paneglass of the American Apparel and the souls within perished under the blade and the cudgel and their cotton hides were taken from them.
— yelping with cormac